Posted on Apr 2, 2013 by Richard Fries
OK, I'm going not to use cuss words in this essay. This is a
family site. But there is WAY too much cussing going on in
transportation, be it motorists, cyclists, pedestrians, and every other
road user.
Can you imagine if we brought the attitudes that have become—almost
celebrated—on roads to restaurants or theaters or supermarkets?
In more than 35 years of bicycle commuting, training, touring and
racing, I've made a ton of mistakes. Too much of it has been with my
attitude. If I could give one piece of advice to the hot headed
twenty-something ripping about urban corridors in a daily Tour de F-U,
it is this: we all need to behave in transit as we behave at the door of
our shop, holding the door for others or thanking those that hold the
door for us. These tiny niceties become kind habits, a lubricant for all
sorts of social bumping and grinding.
A primary problem is the mantra many cyclists chant while riding.
Typically on the tip of every cyclists tongue are some bad words:
"F------ing' A---hole."
"What the f--- are you doing?"
"What the hell!?!"
"You're have GOT TO BE f----ing kidding me, right?
Or my favorite: "Smooth move, Ex-Lax!!!"
Take a minute and fill in the blanks on your own favorite expletives.....
..... I'll wait.....
I get it. I did the same thing for more than 20 years. All these
phrases were pulled back like arrows in tightly strung bows, ready to be
flung from my brain, my soul, my mouth the second I was wronged....
And to no avail. These darts simply shot about the arcade of roadway
americana as one of thousands of arrows. Instead of prompting behavioral
transitions, these words simply sparked return fire. And this cannonade
of hate rang on and on and on to other cyclists AFTER me.
Remember, you've enlisted in a movement that is not just about you
and YOUR ride, but the 100 cyclists behind you that each squirrel,
pedestrian, motorist, bus driver, and truck driver will encounter AFTER
you've had contact.
I have come to realize there is a law of karma physics as powerful as
Newton's. While riding each day in the city with a frustrating melange
of cabs, delivery trucks, dog walkers, jaywalkers, bike messengers,
backwards skaters, and any number of clueless road users, I realized
that for every "FU" came an equal and opposite "FU." In 35 years of
cycling with probably 35,000 such shouts to people, I cannot recall a
single time I have received a response of "sorry" or "my fault" or
"thanks."
Recently I found myself as a motorist—that's right I have a
car—behind a group of about 20 cyclists, many of whom I knew, with one
curious cyclists way out in the center of the road, needlessly.
"What an A-hole," I thought, stunned at my own wording towards my own "people."
Upon reflection, I realized that if I thought like this, how did so many other countless other folks react to cyclists?
I had to think about the motorist's mentality....And I did not like what I found.
We were at a standoff. I needed a key that could make cyclists—like a
transit-minded Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. or Nelson
Mandela—advance our cause with the force of water. Steady. Persistent.
Powerful. Kind.
And then it came to me.
The word. The magic word. And it is not, "please."
The word is: "Careful."
I have tested this for nearly five years. This word works. The word
"careful" projects a mutual concern for both party's safety without
casting any judgment, scrutiny, anger, or hostility. This word—in
chaotic situations—sparks a kind response....Typically it is a "thank
you" or "sorry" I get in response. Often it is a neutral, "I see you"
(which is the polite reference used in Central African greetings).
Before long, this single response, "Careful", stood on the tip of my
tongue as a catch-all for nearly every situation. I had discovered a
cyclist's magic word. Within a few weeks this word, "CAREFUL!" shot from
my lips automatically for every potentially negative circumstance.
Before long I found myself engaged in cheerful conversations with all
sorts of non-cyclists. Traffic cops, mothers with strollers, delivery
drivers, truckers, even the once-hated cab drivers, have proven
delightful in dialogue.
What has happened is I've humanized both parties.
I've only received one caustic response, "Yeah, YOU be
careful.....buddy...." Even in his attempt at hostility it whimpered out
upon delivery. I calmly reflected on how that person digested his own
comments. Ha! I had flung a kindness tipped arrow that had infected him
slowly.....Well I hope....Some folks are resistant.
The efficacy of this word and the attitude is a profound contagion in
traffic for both the speaker and the listener. This word defuses the
most hostile traffic situations, rendering them as benign as that
doorway into the coffee shop. Try it.